One man's joke...another man's pain

This may be trivial and may be solely to blame on my hormones and roller coaster of emotions, but it hurt!

Rewind to day two of the infamous trip to Colorado. I had just gotten out of the shower, dressed and had a towel on my head. I was lying on top of my bed as I let my hair towel dry and watched a little T.V. I wasn't feeling the greatest and was just chillin! All of a sudden, I see my Grandma grab her camera to take a less than pleasing picture of my lying there like a beached whale. You have to understand...I did not look pregnant...just large. There was NO cute belly bump or anything cute about it. I didn't freak about the picture because I didn't really think anyone would see it.

Fastforward to Saturday. My in-laws came over for the Rose festival and as we were walking around outside, my mother in law mentioned to me that my grandma sent her that picture in an email. That was the only picture she sent her. Not a picture of me posing with my hands on my belly looking cute, not one of me and my sister hanging out, nothing other than the one that makes me look the worst. I found it odd, as did my mother-in-law, we laughed it off and that was it. She loves me for me...large or not.

Monday. Worst Day Ever! Horrible day at school, my first cold since November and did I mention Horrible day at school? I sign on to my trusty old Facebook only to see that HORRIBLE picture staring back at me. Sunday My grandma signed up for Facebook...my 75 year old Grandma! (I did JUST get an email from her telling me she didn't like it so she cancelled...we'll see) For some reason out of the bazillion pictures she has on her computer and the other bazillion she took while we were in CO, THAT was the one she felt the need to put on Facebook. I don't care which way you slice it...that hurt. Funny or not...that hurt! The worst part was, I would have never known had my own mother not posted it on her wall too! I kindly emailed my mom and asked her to remove it which she did not realizing that it would hurt my feelings.

Maybe I am being too sensative...but you have to remember, I KNOW my grandma! I know how she is and how she gets pleasure out of making others squirm!

That is all for now...that felt good!

Until next time,
Sam

28 Weeks 2 Days

How far along? 28 Weeks 2 Days

Total weight gain: +1 over my starting weight

Maternity clothes? YES! Got the cutest coral colored shirt!

Sleep: Still pretty normal, but must have a pillow between my legs!

Scariest moment this week: Braxton Hicks! OH MY SOUL!

Best moment this week: Hearing her strong heartbeat! Finding out she is 3 pounds! Finding a Saturday Childbirth class! Getting shelves up in her nursery! Hanging up a few more things! Finding out about 2 more showers people are throwing me!

Movement: She moves WAY more than I do for sure!

Gender: GIRL!!! Millie Kaye

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? Still very much in

What I miss: Not having these crazy mood swings and constantly telling myself that people are so dumb!

What I am looking forward to: Shower #1! May 22nd when I get to see two of my VERY BEST FRIENDS and will get to have a long awaited meeting with Baby K!

Nostalgic

I am quite the nostalgic person! I remember dates quite well. I like to think “this time last year we were….fill in the blank.” I like to reminisce on thing of the past…most things that is.

Today is one of those days. But today is not one that brings good, happy feelings to my soul. Today would have been my parents 35th wedding anniversary. But sadly, it’s not. Sadly, 13 years ago, my dad left us.

One would think that I would be over it by now, but the truth is, I am not. I honestly don’t think I will ever be. Most days, I don’t think about it. I don’t dwell on it. I don’t ponder it. But today, I am.

I think about how different my life would be. Some good differences. Some bad differences. But…different!

I think about my mom and the pain she went through and how it seemed (I now know it wasn’t) as if it was a piece of cake for my dad to walk out. I think about how my mom went into a deep depression and could barely function. I think about the fact that I had to take over as a “mother” figure at 15 years old. I did the laundry. I cooked the meals (ramen noodles and mac n’ cheese). I made sure my sister did her homework. I think about the fact that my mom had to give up any freedom she had and had to hand it all over to my grandparents as they drove from California to put things back in place as best they could. I think about the year we lived with my grandparents and the torture that was. I think about that year with disgust.

I think about my dad and the guilt he felt/feels. I think about how 3 months after moving out he announced to us that he had a girlfriend. I can still see where I was, what I was wearing and I think about how I felt. I think about meeting his girlfriend and her two daughters and immediately feeling replaced. I remember thinking how great he had it. I remember being insanely jealous of her two daughters because they got to live with my daddy…and they complained. Oh how I wished I could have lived with my daddy too!

I think about the good things too! I think about the fact that I can honestly say I have 3 sisters. I think about all the fun that the 4 of us has had. I think about the love I have for each of them. I think about the fact that I love my step mom and I love the fact that she makes my dad so happy. I love how she takes care of him. I love that he is not alone.

I love my step dad. He is a fantastic man of God that would do anything for my sister or I without hesitation. I think about my 3 step brothers and their families and how I really do love them. I think about my sweet niece who will be 6 tomorrow and how I absolutely adore her and have always felt like her aunt. I think about my sister-in-law Megan who is awesome and never tires of hearing all my stories…especially about my grandma…and always agrees with me!

I think about how full my life is because of these people. I think about how many extra people there are in my life now than there would have been had my parents never split. I think about how many people there are now that will love my daughter…so much!

See…I am always thinking!

That really felt good to get that all out! Thanks for reading!

Until next time,
Sam

27 Weeks (3 months to go!)

How far along? 27 Weeks

Total weight gain: I am pretty sure I have packed a few on within the last few weeks...I LOVE food and can't seem to get enough!

Maternity clothes? Yep. I did buy a pair of shorts last night that weren't but were QUITE a large size...they were $7...couldn't pass them up! We'll see how long they work!

Sleep: This past week has been great! I am averaging about 81/2 hours a night! Saturday night are always bad because I rest all day long! Thankfully today I am going to a concert in Tifton with my in-laws, so I should be pretty tired!

Scariest moment this week: That stupid needle to draw my blood! I HATE needles! (Yes I know I have to get an I.V. when she comes, but I will hate that too!)

Best moment this week: Surviving the glucose test. Things are not always as bad as we make them out to be!

Movement: Oh yes...It makes me smile everytime! I refuse to let it become "normal"! This whole experience is NOT normal and is nothing short of a miricle! I remind myself of that regularly!

Gender: GIRL!!! Millie Kaye

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? Still very much in

What I miss: Not a thing this week!

What I am looking forward to: Now that I know it is okay to take this one day at a time, one task at a time...I am looking forward to picking out a pediatrician this week.

Behind?

WARNING: Somewhat of a whiney/freak-out post below. I will be fine, things will get done and all will be well! Just venting!

It's official! I feel behind...very very behind! I feel as if I am extremely ignorant when it comes to having this baby!

Yes, I will love her. I already have so much love in my heart for her, it is unbelieveable!

I know how to change diapers, dress babies and even how to give them a bath. I know how to lay them down to sleep and I know they cry a lot. I know you have to burp them after every little bit of food. I know how to bounce them a little to soothe them. I even know that babies like to be rocked.

Other than that...that's about it!

I have the books...lots and lots of books, but I already feel like a dork for not reading them. I even took one on the plane to CO with me and read maybe a page. The first bookstore we came to I bought a pleasure book...read it completely...and am already started on a second one I bought that trip. See....I am a dork!

We have sucessfully completed 3 necessary things...3 in the 6 months I have been pregnant. Let me list them so I feel somewhat better...
1) We purchased her crib and dresser and they are put together (she may not have a mattress, sheets or a mobile...but buddy we have a crib)
2) We found childcare! Her daddy will watch her until about 1 p.m. 4 days a week (he'll have her the other day, all day) then he will take her to Mrs. Sara's house (a mom of a former 4K student) where she will play with Anderson, Caroline and Sullivan for about 4 hours! Then, Mommy will be there about 5! Such a blessing!
3) Shoot...I cannot even remember what I considered #3 to be...I guess all I can think of is that we have a name for her...oh yeah and we are registerd!

Everytime I start to make a list of the things that need to be done/bought/figured out...I get overwhelmed...badly overwhelmed...and guess what...I am VERY good at masking that!

Another thing I have been thinking about is my lack of desire for the "birthing classes" that so many people talk about being a MUST! I DO NOT feel as if I know what I need to in order to be prepared for this experience, but I also don't have this overwelming need to figure it all out. Does that make sense? I seem to be taking on more of the "go with the flow" stance...which is so not me! I guess I just honestly feel like what ever happens will happen, I trust my Doctors to tell me what I need to know and at the end of the day, I know the Lord will take care of me!

When I think about only having 13 weeks to go...I start to panic! I know for the women that have done this before are thinking 13 weeks is SO long and you get SO miserable toward the end...I get it. I get what you mean. BUT, to me, it seems like I am running out of time!

Alright...enough of that! Some of the positives before I start to cry...
1) I am going to a New Song concert with my In-Laws on Saturday evening! So excited! It's free too!

2) I found some really marked down maternity shorts and JCPenny online...can't wait for them to come!

3) I ordered the cutest bag for Millie...not a diaper bag...more of a travel bag. It has her initials on it...in Hot Pink! Yeah, I am that kind of girl!

For now that's good! I must go teach these 29 lovely 6th graders something!

Until next time,
Sam

Cooking Mishap

Before I go any further, please know that I in no way intend this to be a post dedicated to making my husband feel dumb! We laughed about it...I laughed a lot more at first, but he did slowly catch on.

Today is Clint's day off. Whenever he has a day off, he always volunteers to cook supper. So on tonight's menu was Fish Sticks, Tator Tots and Mac and Cheese (the blue box). I knew from the get go that I would help because figuring out what temperature and what time for two different things to go in the oven is always quite the task (for me too!)

I made my way into the kitchen and started taking care of business. This is when he informs me that he has never made Macaroni and Cheese before...not even the blue box kind. This is honestly not surprising to me because A) I know his mother and B) he is not a fan of cheese. So, in my very own Samantha-like way, I explain to him that I would love to teach him because "What if you are watching Millie one day and she wants Mac and Cheese!" Totally reasonable I know!

I explained the boiling of the water, take out the pouch with the cheese and dump the noodles in. So far, so good! At this point he is obviously pre-occupied with cleaning out the ice maker and fixings some screws on the cabinet while waiting for the noodles to boil. I kindly ask him to get out the butter and the milk. 4 Tbs of butter, I show him how to cut the stick. I then ask him to measure out 1/4 cup of milk. Done.

Time passes, the water is boiling and I find myself a little confused...the water was blue! Hmmm...I EVEN double checked the box to make sure I didn't get some fancy kind of mac and cheese that turns colors! I was a little perplexed because now the water was blue and foamy....

We drain the noodles, I drop the butter in, mix it up and let it melt. I then asked the question "Where's the milk?" To which I hear...."I put it away." I immediately KNEW what happened! I seriously had to hustle to the couch to sit down because I was laughing so hard! SO HARD! He put the Milk in with the water to boil with the noodles....

Now that explains the blue water! It was QUITE the moment! I am still laughing!

Quite the long post for the subject...but Oh so worth remembering!

Until next time,
Sam

26 Weeks

How far along? 26 Weeks

Total weight gain: 9 total pounds...but I initially lost 15...So that means I have 6 to go before I am back to where I started before pregnancy!

Maternity clothes? Yes...not sick of them yet, but everytime someone compliments me on a shirt, I want to say "Get used to it!" :)

Sleep: This week has been GREAT!

Scariest moment this week: None really! She is still breeched...which I know could change...but I am beginning to mentally prepare myself either way!

Best moment this week: Seeing her heart on the ultrasound machine. AMAZING! Not just the little blinking part, but seeing that it has 4 chambers, blood flow and everything it needs! TOTALLY AWESOME! Also, strangers are starting to comment...I love looking the part!

Movement: I like to call her "My little wiggle worm"...but I still love it!

Gender: GIRL!!! Millie Kaye

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? Still very much in

What I miss: Having energy! I get it in spurts...very very small spurts!

What I am looking forward to: Getting what we need for her...I feel as if I am losing time! I am not an anxious person, but I am headed that way!

I survived....Barely!

Spring Break came and went!!

Mom, Grandma and I flew to Colorado on Sunday and after a 2 hour delay, and a 3 hour flight, we finally made it! It was SO GREAT to see my sister! She looks fantastic! She is right where God wants her and is doing His work which is awesome!

We were able to see quite a bit of Denver and then some! We ate quite a bit too, which I am taking responsibility for! There were so many neat resturants there which was so fun! Chipotle, The Spicy Pickle, Famous Daves, Noodles and Co and so much more!

We were able to take in the sights of the Red Rocks Ampitheatre, Golden, CO (a quaint little town), the Celestial Seasonings plant in Boulder, Estes Park (WAY up high in the mountains) and even got to see a show called Cirque Dreams Illuminations(so cool)!

Amongst all of that we had our down time too. We were usually back at the hotel by 7-7:30 each night and ready to chill. I did well with the walking and when I couldn't take it anymore, I found a place to sit.

Obviously the hardest part of the trip was dealing with my 75 year old Grandma! Most of you that read this, know our history and know how she is. For the most part things were smooth, but I do have two stories for ya!

The first happened shortly after we arrived at the hotel. We were busily moving around unpacking suitcases and trying to settle our things for the week ahead. There was a dresser type thing under the TV that had three drawers. Logically, I figured we would each get a drawer. I started unloading my stuff and put it in the top drawer...(I got there first, I am the tallest and I have a big belly). I didn't think much about it until, while in the bathroom, I heard "Whose stuff is this?" I immediately KNEW what was about to happen. I fessed up and said it was mine..."Well what makes you think you get the top drawer?" OH MY! It's okay Grandma, you can have it...so, I moved my stuff out and into the lower drawer. It was one of those moments I could have turned into a knock down drag out fight, but chose the high road. I guess it would be different had I not paid for a third of that room...BUT I DID! YIKES!

The second (although there are MANY more, but I will spare you) happened when we went to the Red Rocks Ampitheatre the second day we were there. Dani parked at the bottom not realizing you could drive to the top. We quickly drove by the stairs to the top when I said, "Oh, I can handle that" It really didn't look that tall/steep or that there were that many steps. When we got out of the car and headed to the steps I IMMEDIATELY KNEW there was no way on God's Green Planet that I was going to even attempt to climb those stairs (forget the fact that I am 5 1/2 months pregnant...I would have collapsed before baby too). As I walked toward the stairs to read the signs by them...it happened...there in front of God and everyone I was CHASTISED! Here I am a 27 year old married woman with a baby growing inside of me getting yelled at by my grandmother. (Picture this in an old lady stern voice) "You ARE NOT going up those steps, I WONT have it, I am putting my FOOT D.O.W.N!!!" I couldn't believe it...again, I took the high road and looked her dead in the eye and said "I KNOW Grandma!" and that was that! Why she felt the need to yell at me or to be stern toward me is beyond me! I was so tempted to stomp off toward the steps to see what she would do :) I withheld!

Other than dealing with her drama, and constantly thinking "This is NOT how we wanted this trip to be" (she invited herself when she found out mom and I were going), we had a good time! I missed Clint SO BADLY! This is the longest we have been apart and honestly, I will never do that again...at least with Grandma that's for sure! Thankfully Clint was able to be my sounding board each night and hear all the crazy events of the day...and always agree with me! :)

We are now back in the daily grind of life! Day 2 back at school and things are going well. The kids have Spring Fever FOR SURE...one even said that to me as to why he didn't do his homework...I came back with a "You better get over it real quick or you are going to have more than Spring Fever!" He smiled!

Millie did so well through the trip. She moved SO SO SO much each day, which was so reassuring to me that she was still in there and doing fine! I just love her so much already...I cannot imagine what really having her here is going to be like! I am so excited! 15 weeks to go!

Things I am excited about/looking forward to:

1) Clint has Friday Night off! YAY! (This rarely happens)

2) Talking to my good friend H, who is now a mommy of baby K, on Wednesday! We haven't talked since before K came into her life! Cannot wait!

3) Cooking Cashew Chicken tonight

4) Watching Biggest Loser from last week, before tonight's show comes on!

5) Millie got a gift on Sunday from some people at my In-Laws Church...her very own pearl necklace with the letter M in the middle...TOO precious! I almost cried!

6) I was changing some things on my registry when I noticed that someone has already purchased Millie's BEDDING!!! I have been SO worried about that...silly me!!!

7) Going to the High Risk Doctor tomorrow for what we hope to be our LAST appointment with him! It's just a follow-up sonogram...we are hoping for some great pictures of our girl!

That's all for now! I hope you all are well and rested! I hope your Easter was great too! What a joy it is to know that we serve a RISEN Savior!

Until Next Time,
Sam